Day Seven

Dear Journal,

As the morning came around, Nacio and Lolo were arguing over who had killed more people, and I still felt left out. I had yet to shoot a man. And come to think of it I don’t think I’ll ever get a chance. We are now almost out of supplies as it is. After the grueling morning drills, we received even more bad news. The town of San Ildefonso had fallen to the loyalists and we needed to take it back by tomorrow. Our groups were split, some went to regroup with the rocket crew and some crossed the river towards the town. Once I got out of the fortress for the march, it felt like I had been released from a prison. After some marching we ate some tortillas and beans before setting out again. When we got about thirty meters from the river the ammo was given out. We kept our guns on safety. It was soon dark and we were setting up around the river. Slowly a group of boats approached us. The fire command was sent and I fired into the darkness. The piercing sounds of screams, and gunfire clouded my ears. I felt sick to my stomach, while holding off the dark shapes moving towards my. I wasn’t controlling myself. It seemed like the gun was firing on its own. I finally felt like one of them after I had witnessed myself shoot a man. However I was still worried if there would be more of them coming. I could never rest. I know what it takes to be a good soldier and I can become one. But now I can’t even talk to Lolo.