Day Five

Dear Journal,

I feel that I finally have become part of this whole war. But everyday it becomes more difficult. I have to care for the baby while caring for myself, and right now both prove to be equally hard. The baby has made thing harder for me because it gets weaker and weaker every hour. I’m just lucky I have help from Olivares. He knows how to take care of the baby and he is tough when it comes to fending for himself. Today I had to take the baby to the nearby village to be cared for. I said goodbye to Lolo and Ignacio and I wondered if any of us were going to live through the next two hours. I had to carry a baby, two rifles, a blanket, dried rations, and ammunition. I couldn’t get the girl and the baby off my mind, the girl’s wounds were deep and infected and the baby was hungry. These two people made me realize even if you are not in the war you are going through a heck of a time. It made me sympathize for citizens and even the loyalists. I didn’t want to end someone else’s life. After going to the village and treating the wounded we head out to the fortress. We knew that if there were more loyalists they would murder and rape people of the villages. As the men approached, I felt my body freeze up and I clenched my rifle. Gunshots broke out from all directions and I couldn’t fire my gun. Luckily Lolo could take him. I was angry at the loyalists and myself, I was in a war and I couldn’t bring myself to kill a man. I couldn’t kill a man when I put my feet in his shoes, literally. The best thing that happened all day was Lolo taking the boots off the dead man. What if I was that soldier?